Thursday, October 8, 2009
So, here are my thoughts about having 2 children right away after getting married: Is this the way I would have scripted my life? No. But do I regret it? Not really. Would I recommend it? I don't know, but I would definitely not not recommend it. Why? Because I know that what I did was give up the control over this area of my life to God. And I've been thinking about that, and I feel like I'm starting to learn that there is such a great freedom when you're in a position of giving up your control to God. I've heard people say things like that before, but I never really got it. I always thought, "Well, if I'm in control I can do anything I want. How could I get more freedom than that?" But I'm starting to realize that when you are in control of everything you do, you also have to (try to) be the one who is in control of fixing all the problems that come your way. See, in my situation, if I were the one who chose to have my children right away I might be questioning my decisions about the timing of their births and scared of my husband losing his job in an economy like this. I very well could think to myself, "You are the one who chose to bring these little people here, and now it's your job to take care of them and make sure nothing happens to them!" I would no doubt have stress and anxiety because I'd be trying to control a situation I had no control over! But, since I left the timing of my childrens' births up to God, I can turn around and say the same thing to Him! (In fact, when I first got pregnant neither my husband or I had a job, and we just worked in exchange for housing, but since then my husband has gotten a great job and we've bought a house, all thanks to God's provision!) No matter what is going on in the world I have complete peace, because I know that I have surrendered my will to God. Whatever happens in my life I know God is the one who is allowing everything in my world to take place. I know that all things have a purpose, and all things will work for my good. No matter how hard or frustrating things may get, I am confidant that it is so so small compared to what I would be going through if the weight of the world were on my shoulders instead of His. So, I guess what the whole point of all of this is, that when you give up control to God you get peace in return, because you no longer have to hold everything together; and I can't think of any greater freedom than peace.