Ponderings on Manipulation

So, both of my girls got sick recently, and as I was taking care of them I prayed for them to get better. At first it seemed to be working, because Amber didn't puke throughout the rest of the night.  Then, I got up, and wrote on my facebook page that the kids were sick, thinking in the back of my head, "Gee, I really hope this isn't like a thing of no faith that will make them sick again."  And then, seriously within a minute of writing that Amber was having diarrhea pouring out her diaper and then a few minutes after that throwing up.  "Hmm," I thought, "I think I need to change that post."  So, I did, I changed it to something like, "I don't like Amber being sick, but I like that she will fall asleep in my arms," trying to be more positive and open a little door for God to work.  But the whole thing got me thinking about how many other times I do things thinking that I can kinda make God want to do things on my behalf, or in other words, realized that I try to manipulate God.  I think most of the time, although I would never actually think it, I live as though I can twist God's arm into doing things the way I want them to be done.  Like, take for example my thinking that if I have Ailsa pray to Jesus for good dreams then there's no way God could dissapoint her; or how about thinking that if I thank Him in hard times then He'll have to give me what I'm asking for because it was hard to be thankful.  How silly to think that I can force God into acting the way that I think would work best for me!

So, in light of all of this, I've been thinking about what I do think is our role in partnering with God, because I do think it's a partnership.  I think God is like our Husband and like our Father.  So, basically, he gets to call the shots.  But, there are things we can do to stop His will from being done in our lives, I mean, if we want to; or we can prepare ourselves to go along with His will, slash, we can be willing to go along with His will even if we don't really have a clue what's going on.  Like, take for example, my praying that God would stop Amber from throwing up.  Let's say God wanted to answer that prayer but I gave her syrup of icka-whatever (you know, that stuff you can take if you NEED to throw up); God could still intervene and stop her from throwing up, but my guess is that He wouldn't, because I would be using the free will He gave me.  Or,  what if instead, I gave her some water and toast?  Giving her water and toast wont MAKE her stop throwing up, or make God heal her; but if that's what God wanted to do I don't think my actions would be standing in His way.  Do you see my point now?

I think these kinds of "cause and effects" are pretty clear, but most of the time life is a lot more complicated then that.  I'll spare you of trying to come up with more complicated examples, because I'm sure you have plenty of your own life expericance to draw from.  But let me just end by saying, (mostly to myself) let's not try and think that by acting a a certain way we can convince God to act on our behaves.  God loves us, and wants to bless us.  I like when Mike Bickel says that God doesn't just love us, He likes us.  He knows what's best for us, He knows how to make us happy, and He wants us to be happy.  So lets just go along with what He's doing as best as we can, and let's try to make ourselves ready do receive His blessings by following what the Bible says and by asking for His advice in prayer. 

Funny Things

A while ago I held up two boxes of cereal to Ailsa, and asked her, "Which kind do you want?" She pointed to one, and to make sure I got it right I asked, "You want this kind?" as I shook the box she pointed to. What I didn't expect was that ever since that time she refers to her cereal as "this kind"

Amber has learned to give kisses, and the "mmm" part of muah, lasts about 3 times as long as the rest of the word, making it more like, mmmmmmmmmmuah. So cute.

Ailsa has started to say "thank yous" during her night time prayer, two of her recent ones were for water and the letter N.

Amber has also learned how to climb the stairs. But more than climbing them she likes to chased. So, most of the time she'll go over there and wait on the first or second step until she's sure we've seen her; then she'll climb as fast as she can to see how far she can get before we grab her.

Nationalized Heath Care

I know this is a touchy subject, but I just can't help myself. I really want to talk about why I am not for this health care bill that is being passed. I'm not trying to convince anybody to think the way I do; I just really want to share my opinions because I feel strongly about them, and the only people that have time to listen to me go on an on about it would have no clue what I'm talking about (my kids, if they're even old enough to be called kids....) So here are my thoughts, just as they come:

-I'm all about more people having health care, but I think it's really important to look at the root of the problem. People not having health care is just a symptom of the root problem which is that heath care is unaffordable for most people.

-The government is less efficient with money than any private business. This is a fact, not an opinion. I can't remember the numbers that have been quoted to me about how much of every dollar in a government is wasted on the needed red tape, but I do remember it was very shocking to me. So, why would I want the government to try and solve a problem that is, at it's core, about health care expense? It doesn't seem wise to me.

-Why is health care so expensive? Well, obviously there are a lot or reasons, but I think the main reason is the liability insurance/injury lawsuits doctors are forced to deal with. Do you think they are paying out of pocket for these things? No, just like any business would do, they are passing the cost along the consumers.

-So, It would make sense to me to first make health care more affordable through "tort reform" (aka making laws that deal with how much money people are able to get from these types of lawsuits. Obviously still leaving enough to pay for needed expenses, but lets not let people get rich off of these types of things.) This would make health care affordable to most of the population without ever needing a national public option. If nothing else we could just reevaluate at that point, right?

-There's the obvious reason that they are changing the law that prohibits federal dollars from being spent on abortion, and even going so far as to give money to private insurance companies that cover abortion.

-Looks at Canada and England who already have this type of government plans, their life expectancies went DOWN not up!

-In the first version (they have changed it so much, I don't know for sure if this part has been changed or not) they were able to deny elderly people and disabled people.

-By interfering into the free market the doctors offices will overwhelmed. Let me say, I am currently on medicaid, so I'm obviously not against government aid at the sate level. But just to give you a glimpse into my world, when I called the dentist due to a tooth ache I was told that the next available appointment was in two months! Now, this is just a tooth, but imagine if it were something more serious, like say a cancer screening test that I had to wait for. This is what we're looking at if we just add on a bunch of people to an already overloaded system.

Are you still with me? I'm almost done...

-So, let's be logical: You have people finding caners and tumors later, overcrowded hospitals, and sick elderly and disabled people suffering. What would be the "compassionate" way to help them? Euthanasia. No, it is never mentioned in the bill, but it would lead us in that direction, and people will feel the need to have it. (Oh, and did I mention that they want elderly people to have a government official to come to their hose and have a mandatory "end of life counseling" session? I don't know about you, but I don't like that...)

-Of course we know that most of the way we live our lives affects our health. What we eat, how much tv we watch vs how much time exercising, and the list goes on and on. With government in charge of paying for our health, they will want to make sure we are living as healthy as we should be. But who sets those standards and who sets the limits as to how far they can reach into our lives? It's just a little too shady of an area for me to like.

Anyways, there are more reasons I could talk about, but I think those are my main issues. I really do want people to be covered. I don't want people to be sick or suffering, I just think there are smarter ways to go about it than what is being discussed right now. I don't like being painted as a meanie because I see things differently than a lot of the newscasters or vocal democrats. Anyways, no need to pout about it, now I'm just rambling. Like I said at the start of this whole thing, I'm really just trying to get off my chest all my views on this thing that I can't see to find the time to talk to anyone about face to face. So that's all...

Control

So, here are my thoughts about having 2 children right away after getting married: Is this the way I would have scripted my life? No. But do I regret it? Not really. Would I recommend it? I don't know, but I would definitely not not recommend it. Why? Because I know that what I did was give up the control over this area of my life to God. And I've been thinking about that, and I feel like I'm starting to learn that there is such a great freedom when you're in a position of giving up your control to God. I've heard people say things like that before, but I never really got it. I always thought, "Well, if I'm in control I can do anything I want. How could I get more freedom than that?" But I'm starting to realize that when you are in control of everything you do, you also have to (try to) be the one who is in control of fixing all the problems that come your way. See, in my situation, if I were the one who chose to have my children right away I might be questioning my decisions about the timing of their births and scared of my husband losing his job in an economy like this. I very well could think to myself, "You are the one who chose to bring these little people here, and now it's your job to take care of them and make sure nothing happens to them!" I would no doubt have stress and anxiety because I'd be trying to control a situation I had no control over! But, since I left the timing of my childrens' births up to God, I can turn around and say the same thing to Him! (In fact, when I first got pregnant neither my husband or I had a job, and we just worked in exchange for housing, but since then my husband has gotten a great job and we've bought a house, all thanks to God's provision!) No matter what is going on in the world I have complete peace, because I know that I have surrendered my will to God. Whatever happens in my life I know God is the one who is allowing everything in my world to take place. I know that all things have a purpose, and all things will work for my good. No matter how hard or frustrating things may get, I am confidant that it is so so small compared to what I would be going through if the weight of the world were on my shoulders instead of His. So, I guess what the whole point of all of this is, that when you give up control to God you get peace in return, because you no longer have to hold everything together; and I can't think of any greater freedom than peace.

oh yeah, i have a blog now...

So it's been a month since I've written, probably because nobody but me reads it anyways! =0 It's been a busy busy month in this household. Amber is almost walking now, and getting into everything. She's picking things up a lot quicker than Ailsa did in the "getting mobile" department which brings a whole new game to the table than what I played with Ailsa. Gotta love how they always find a way to keep you on your toes.

As far as Ailsa goes, well she's making sure we know that she has every intention of being a girly girl. Everyday she insists on wearing an outfit (preferably a dress) with flowers on it. I actually felt quite accomplished today when I was able to get her to wear a shirt with pretty hearts instead. :) She also has a new found love of getting her nails painted.

JJ's birthday was last week, and I made him an angle food cake (another check off my list of things I've never made by myself before) and got him a mini remote controlled helicopter. I don't know who likes it more, him or Ailsa.

And, on a sad note, JJ's grandma also died just a few days before his birthday. She was a lovely lady and she is already missed by everyone who knew her.

Hair

For most of my life I have wanted to know how to french braid my own hair. I tried several times to teach myself, but the end result was always... well, embarrassing. But not too long ago I was on a long car ride, I think it was on our way back home from DC, which ended up being an 8 hour drive. So, out of sheer boredom I started fidgeting with my hair, not even really paying attention to what I was doing. Needless to say, I ended up with a french braid! WooHoo! Life long goal: accomplished. I can french braid my hair!

Confession #2

The other day I was sitting on the couch with my two little girls when I noticed Ailsa had a REALLY long toe nail. I decided it needed to be clipped right then and there. So I grabbed the clippers and got to work. As I was clipping away I noticed that Amber was climbing off the couch, and didn't really think much of it... that is until she hit the floor and started screaming. Oh yeah, she's the one who's only 8 months old and doesn't know how to climb yet! Ooops! =/

Size 3T Dress

When Ailsa was a small baby we got a lot of clothes for her from our friends and realatives, and I mean A LOT. There were tons of new and used treasures I sorted and picked through. Most of them were for newborns, but some were larger, reaching all the way up until 18 months sizes. But there was one dress I remember her getting that was a size 3T, and I remember thinking that it would be SO long until she would fit into that. Well, she grew really fast. By the time she was 6 months old she was 20 pounds and wearing clothes for a 12 month old. And by the time she was 12 months she was wearing all her 18 month clothes. Well, I thought that she'd be up the the 2Ts in no time, but then she started to slow down a bit. (Praise God! I'm short and pretty little, and it was getting really tiring carrying her everywhere!) Truth be told, we still can fit her in her 18mo jeans, that were always meant to be capris, and finally really are. Anyways, today I was going through the one small box of clothes we got when Amber was born (funny how things change with the second) when I saw lying next to it the 3T dress from way back; and since Ailsa was right there with me, not yet dressed, I decided to put it on her. Not only did it fit, but it was almost too small! Oh my, how time flies! I almost started to cry, not because I really liked the dress, but it just made me see how big she's really gotten. So, not knowing what else I could do, I went over and grabbed Ailsa and gave the biggest hug and told her how pretty she looked in her "new" dress.

Cards

I don't really consider myself an artsy person, but I like to make cards. Here are Three I've made recently. The first is for a baby girl, the second is a wedding card, and the third is birthday card, even though it almost looks Christmas-y. To make it a little more "fun" (aka challenging) I use only paper, a large pair of scissors and a glue stick. No templates, stickers or fancy tools. :) Maybe it's silly, but I really like how I didn't glue down the hair on the second one to make it look a little more realistic :)

Confession #1

I hardly ever do the dinner dishes the night we use them. Usually I wait to wash them until the next morning when baby #2, aka Amber, is taking her first nap of the day. I justify it by every once in a while getting baby #1, Aisla, to help me, which gives us some good quality time. The only real problem I can see with this method is that I rarely have time to fold the laundry...

Content in any Circumstance

*These pictures are totally unrelated to anything, I just really wanted to get a couple pictures of my girls up because I love them so much! These are from our recent trip to DC.*

Now, on with the blog...

I had to go in to the doctor's office yesterday, and of course, that meant taking my two little girls with me. This was a new place, since the last place I had been to was dirty, slow, and an all out pain to visit. I decided I had nothing to lose by venturing out, and so I did - and I was pleasantly surprised by this "new" place. The people were friendly and talkative, very helpful, and aside from the dead cockroach I found in the room, the facilities were very clean. The lady at the front desk even offered my older girl, Ailsa, a lollipop. Of, course, she asked me first, and I was all for it, knowing full well that it would help keep us from an embarrassing outburst of loud impatience.

Later that afternoon as we were all sitting around the table after dinner, Ailsa saw our very own stash of lollipops. (we got them a while back for her birthday party and have yet to finish them) So, what does she do? She asks for another one, over and over again. Of course we can't give her another one, so we say, "no" and she has a minor meltdown. This really isn't surprising. I would never expect her to be satisfied after one piece of candy; in fact, I would expect just the opposite, that it would spark her hunger for candy and create a desire for more. I console myself in times like these thinking, "She'll grow out of it. One day she'll understand the importance of moderation." But this time I got to thinking and I realized something. This tendency in people rarely goes away, it simply changes form. Like when we are young we are happy to have one, kinda ugly car, but as we get older we want a nice newer car, no, scratch that, we want two cars, one for everyday use, and a nice sporty convertable, oh, and add to the list a nice RV for vacation, well, I guess we'd need a truck to pull that with, too... See what I mean? It's human nature alright weather it's candy or computers. I guess it can be a life long struggle to learn to be content in any circumstance. I guess this will be be my prayer for today.

Hmm...

This morning the family and I went out to Five Guys. We decided to sit outside on the shaded patio, and as it turns out, the whether was completely perfect. Even though we sat surrounded by the hustle and bustle of life, my heart felt as though we were in a mountain pasture. Hmm... I could've sat there all day :)

Car Troubles

We bought a 2002 Mercury Sable for $900 that had a blown head gasket. JJ didn't know a thing about it, but he bought a manual, a few tools and got to working. About a month later he fixed it! We officially became a two car family! That is, until about a week and a half later... Now our first car is leaking oil... and by leaking I mean gushing :( And after a not-so-quick self diagnosis, it looks like a pretty major fix, like one we'll need a real mechanic to do. What a bummer! And he's a delivery driver, so he needs his car for work which means I definitely can't just drop him off at work. (well, if you must know the truth, I'm 24 years old and have never had a license in all my life =/ It's a bit embarrassing and really really annoying, I'm working on it, though, and I really hope this is the year to change all that.) *Side note, I now have a license, but my car is broken again...back down to one car.  That might change at the end of this week, though...we'll see...